He swerved down the freeway in and out of cars honking and braking in a frenzy, brandishing what had become his new weapon. Rage and anger had never spilled over to driving but this would be the start of a new and dangerous game. The children let out gasps as he narrowly missed vehicles, passing anyone who impeded our path to the compound. A container of take away fish jiggled in plastic sacks threatening to fall from the seat just behind me. The meal was purchased after leaving the hospital and felt like a message that was meant to cement his frustration. Even the youngest of our family knew that I did not care for fish and when we arrived home I sat on the red and gold striped sofa, forcing a gentle smile, hoping to avoid what would be an inevitable outburst.
The food had not been covered properly, left on the refrigerator shelf in a takeout container to rot and eventually be thrown away. The careless and haphazard manner in which these tasks were carried out had not changed and it seemed nothing could be done about it. He repeated these ideas three times, each time the volume increased as did the weight of the message. I stared blankly, confusion jumbled my mind and there was no response that seemed worthy. Anger mounted and he finally stated what he had been thinking for days, “I told you not to tell anyone, this is your fault! “The door slammed and he walked away leaving behind an emotional numbness that had not been experienced before.
I stood motionless behind the green pleated curtains, watching him back up and drive away. It was a relief and a burden to finally be alone with my thoughts, now able to place them all in order. On Monday I had been four months pregnant and by late that afternoon I was told the pregnancy had not progressed and in fact had most likely ended weeks before. The Doctor listened for a heartbeat and then requested an ultrasound. She confirmed that this was no longer a viable pregnancy and nothing much remained. The British midwife who had delivered my last baby concurred, urging me to return the next day for treatment so that infection and hemorrhage did not occur. Bleeding had already started and served as a reminder that medical attention was needed.
I grappled with this reality but felt hopeful that his reassurance and support would ease my worries. When faced with this information and a request that he take me to the hospital he reminded me that it was a grave sin to terminate a pregnancy and that it was up to the Lord almighty. The conversation ended with him stating that he wanted nothing to do with it and obviously I had free will to do as I chose. The next morning at 5 a.m. a compound driver picked me up and dropped me off at the local hospital.
He just gets more and more of a tyrant.
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yes he did
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Lynn, you express the scene so well. The numbness and despair come through. Hugs!!
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Thanks so much xx
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Thank goodness you eventually escaped this monster Lynn.
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Thank you so much Peter xx
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Evil f*cker. Sorry, no other name for him.
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xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Lynn,
It must be so exhilarating to be away from his mind control. Good on you! 🙂
xx
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Thank you. I am experiencing the residual affects of his control but am trying to feel free and be free. Good to see you Carmen!
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I happen to think you are doing fabulous! Your tremendous personality shines through and the more you accomplish, the less his influence matters. You have succeeded, Lynn!
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Thank you Carmen! You are a special special friend! Love your post!!
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I am so glad you are no longer trapped by this monster.
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Thank you! I strive each day to feel free and to be free.
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My heart breaks for you Lynn. To lose a baby is devastating, let alone having to deal with such a monster. Again, I am in awe of your strength.
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Thanks so much Lynn. Your support is very much appreciated! xoxo
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What a nasty, despicable, disgusting, uncaring man. Sorry my friend, I just get angry! Hugs xxx
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Thanks for supporting me dear lynne xoxo much love
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Always my friend. xxx
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xxx
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I am so glad you went to the hospital and were cared for.
I am also happy you have escaped his cruelty and evil treatment of you.
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Thank you Deborah! It was scary and I felt like I was doing something wrong but thank God for the midwife she convinced me had to be done xoxo
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You must have felt so all alone, Lynn. You weren’t ending a pregnancy and it wasn’t your fault.
Leslie
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Thank you Leslie it was very scary and wasn’t sure what to do. He was furious. My children supported and loved me and comforted me. They are everything.
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You have some wonderful children, Lynn. They will be a big comfort to you.
Leslie ❤
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yes for sure
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❤
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What kind of a monster was he? Glad you got rid of him!
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Thanks for reading! xx
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I wish no one had to endure this kind of treatment and it is so sad. You were young when you met him, who would have dreamed he would have changed so drastically??! hugs, Robin xo xo
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yes so true. Thanks my dear dear Robin xoxoxoxo
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I’m sorry for that loss Lynn. I am heartsick over what you went through. I am heartwarmed by where you have taken yourself.
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Thanks so much Colleen! xoxo
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OH how horrible you must have felt. You were grieving the loss of a child that was not your fault in any way, and you needed lots of TLC, but sadly you instead got treated so awful.
I am very glad you were able to go to the hospital and that you were brave enough to go. (((HUGS))) to you!!
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Thanks so much! Those hugs are awesome!
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Lynn, I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s hard enough to lose a child but to be alone in the process!! This piece must have been hard to write and I hope you have healing from it. You are such an amazing woman. God has blessed you with strength and patience. And, I am blessed to know you. Love you!!! 💐
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Alice you are a strong and wonderful woman! I have thought about this for several months and today just wrote what I had to and it felt weird! Thanks so much for your love and support! I see that your granddaughter has your name as her middle name! That is awesome!
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How awful for you, Lynn. What a cold and heartless man. My heart goes out to you as well as absolute gratefulness that this is no longer your life. Hugs. ❤
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Thanks so much Diana! xxx
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He is a monster, very sorry for your loss but happy to see that you got the medical care you needed.
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Thank you Suzanne! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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My God, such a horrible situation for a mother and no support but only more pressure and threads. As it was said, I am glad too that he is not a part of your present life anymore!
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Thank you dear Erika ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Always, Lynn 💖💖💖
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Oh! Lynz this man is nothing but evil,!
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Thank you for supporting me dear sister ❤️❤️❤️
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I always will, Sis always.💜
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❤️❤️❤️❤️
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🌹
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I hope sharing your turbulent history here helps to lift the burden of having to live through it for so long. So much of his behaviour is unimaginable for most of us, yet you had to endure it in every aspect of your life. We’re all here cheering you on from the sidelines, and relieved that you are able to tell your story far away from him.
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Thank you so much peggy! I am starting to feel less anxiety lately and it is great! Thank you for cheering me on!
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Oh sweet Lynn! Another awful situation you had to endure…… breaks my heart… May time ease these awful memories. xoxo
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Thank you for caring Jodi! This has been rattling around in my head for months so finally I wrote it down!! Xoxo. Thanks for your daily inspiration
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❤️💕😘
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Oh the rage…..you almost feel sad for those that carry such unnecessary emotion…so hard to live with, however, that being said, the people at the end of that rage is another story, nothing you did caused it to happen, you couldn’t of done anything different to change this situation, I know first hand, I am so sorry that you and the kids were at his beck and call to his rage stunts….he knew he was being an ass….I believe they thrive on it..mine did, he felt so powerful after the outrage…I feel for you sister,, but you must remember you never, never, never !! have to be put through that again…you never have to listen to him again!!! your a free woman, living in a free country with all your wonderful children and grandchildren….he has no power over you anymore!!! I remember one bad time my little girl, not his daughter, she was in 5th grade and did not put the lid on the toothpaste properly, he frigin had a fit, I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel screaming and posturing a 5th grader….my word…he put my daughter off of men for a long time…I have to say it made her stronger, she would not take any BS off a man….mine was really an asshole too!!!
My sweet sister….I love that you are writing it down and leaving it in ink….you no longer have to carry these memories…I am hoping that it is helping you…..sending you lots of hugs !! your sister
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Thank you so much sweet Kat! You are so wonderful and thank you for telling me more of your story! Sometimes I get locked into those words and start being hard on myself for little things.
Being so mean and taking your rage out on a child is crazy! Yes my daughters have had a hard time trusting !! I hope your daughter is happy now and that you are too! Love you dear sis! Hugs hugs hugs
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My daughter is married to a wonderful man, however that said, she is in complete control of her happiness, she learned from the asshole I was married to never give complete control over to anyone especially a man…so I am thinking that it was a good lesson, learnt the hard way!!! She has since forgive me for putting her in that situation, understands I was doing the best I could with what I had. she is a strong, intelligent woman and I couldn’t be happier to be her mom….I believe your crew is also all very intelligent and respect and love you with all they are!!!
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My daughters are very guarded and two of them are now in relationships and I am hoping it all works out! Yes giving complete control to anyone is not wise. Thanks sis! So happy she is settled and happy!
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Dearest Lynn. I thank you for your writing, and my hope is that with every single character you type, it brings you back to wholeness. Much love to you! ❤
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Thank you so much Cathy! Love love love!
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All I like about this is that you could write it
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Thank you derrick. It brought so much shame that I couldn’t but finally found this peace to do so.
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I am glad you are free from all this now. It is awful. Onward ho to a better life now🤗🤗💕🐾🐾🐺
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Thanks
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Oh my. Such a horrendous time for you.
So pleased your life is very different now.
xx💖xx
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Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Sickening and callous, this creature is unspeakable. I echo the sentiments of others, so long as you are being healed by writing this, then I am happy to read it. Just take it one little step at a time because pain like this needs to be mended at it’s own pace. Go softly, dear friend xxx
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Thank you Fiona! This has been bugging me for months! So yesterday it came out on paper xxxxxxx
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Well done. It must have been time xxxxxx
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I think so xoxo
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Oh Lynn…so much to cleanse from your past. By writing about it, you can let it go. (K)
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Thank you K xx
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This saddens me, Lynn. I don’t know how you got through this. I am so glad you managed to get away from him and now you are with your beautiful family. Sending hugs.
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Thanks so much dear Franci! xoxo
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So very sad! I am so glad you are away from that monster! xoxoxox
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Thank you so much dear PJ xoxoxo
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I’m so sorry you lost one of your precious children…and under utterly horrific conditions. Sending lots of love and hugs across the miles. I do hope getting writing this out will help dispel more fear and bad memories. xoxoxo
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Thanks so much KR! I hope so too xoxo
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What an awful memory has been festering inside you. Now it’s like you vomited it out. Good riddance. Your courage continues to lead you further on your journey of healing. Blessings to you. ❤
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Thanks so very much! It took time to write but finally xoxoxo
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How lonely you must have felt Lynn. Losing a child is difficult in and of itself let alone having to endure the rage of a lunatic. My hope for you is the further away the years take you from this awful situation the more your scars can heal. ❤
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Thank you Steph. I hope that is what happens, I am trying my best to move forward and having lovely support helps so much xoxoxo
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You’re welcome. Dealing with the emotional scars left behind from such an intense relationship would be a difficult thing to go through.
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Xxxxxx
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How very very sad.
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Thanks for visiting!
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It must be difficult to re live all this – but, hopefully, also liberating to write about it. Carry on, you’re doing well. Hugs.
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Thank you Marina❤️
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Lynn, this is just heartbreaking. To lose a baby and then have to deal with him…just awful.
I’m so glad we have you here with us now and you are free from him.
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Thank you so much dear Sarah! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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I am so sorry for your loss and the way you were treated during this time. Hugs to you.
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I have missed you!!!!! So glad to see you
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Thank you! Health issues for my husband and I have kept me away from the computer for a while, but I hope to be more active now.
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I hope you are both ok! Take care!
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What a frightening medical experience. Just sad.
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Thanks for reading Karina ❤️
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☺️
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Having lived in an Arabic country with a husband who cared and loved for me, I really can’t imagine how lonely and afraid you must have been. I had many friends in Cairo who were married to reasonable men but the culture was just too machismo and strange to cope. I am full of admiration for you, being able to restart your life after such treatment and even have a Christmas tree. K x
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Thanks so very much K! It is hard to move forward but I am trying. Yes there are many good men out there you are right! Abuse is abuse no matter where you go. Thanks so much dear K! xoxoxo
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Dear Lynz, you have already moved literal and figurative miles from your abuser. Bravo!
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How terrible! You must have been so sad and scared. What you lived through….
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Thanks for reading Antonia!
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Well told, Lynn. Hugs
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Thanks so much dear Teagan!
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Damn. He was horrific. I’m so happy you survived.
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Thank you! Yes I am too ❤️❤️
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Wow. This is powerful.
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Thank you for reading and commenting!
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Scary!!
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